Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
