i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
