He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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