yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
