youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
