i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
