White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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