Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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