i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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