I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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