sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
