Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
