I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
