After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
