i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish I only lived at night.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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