Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
