I wannas sexs uuuuu
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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