I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
