If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
