i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
