dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
