forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
high people should be assigned attendants
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
