I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
