he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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