Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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