i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
