Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
