She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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