After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
