I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
