my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just cropdusted the office
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
