The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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