need another drink. this is the easiest way
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
