Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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