They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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