she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
