someone threw a dead crab at me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
only you would photoshop your dick
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
