I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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