I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
