Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
