Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
