just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A+ Viking dick
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
