oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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