If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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