Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
