weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
