I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
