one might say we're banned from that church
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
