Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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