Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
