so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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