Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
